An Itemized List of Head Injuries for Your Reading Pleasure

Without fail, every year I sustain an injury directly related to my face. Every. Year. For posterity, I've decided to chronicle them here, starting with the fateful tale of the alarm clock.

2007: Jake, David, and I are all sitting in my theater room at my house. The Simpsons Movie has just ended. Jake asks what time it is and as a response I gently lob a softball sized alarm clock to him so he can check himself. His reflexes kick in and he snatches the alarm clock out of the air and flings it back to me at warp speed, nailing me directly in the center of the forehead. Injuries sustained: swollen head and small cut.

2008: Longboarding. David, Cherisse, and I decide to longboard down Smithfield Canyon, a feat we've accomplished many times. Only this time, we decide to start higher up than we normally do, starting the ride at the top of a very steep hill. We get going pretty fast and then-the speed wobbles hit. To add insult to injury, while I was regaining my balance from the speed wobbles I hit a rock and went flying. Injuries sustained: Minor concussion, facial lacerations down the right side of my face.

2009: Car Crash. We're driving through Logan Canyon and our car goes off the road. BAM. Airbags go off leaving my friend Todd and I with lovely matching facial injuries Injuries sustained: rug burn from air bag fabric on chin and cheek.

2010: Freshman year of college. I have a particularly violent dream and fall out of bed, hitting my head on my bedside table on the way down. Here's the best part. The next morning I woke up late and went sprinting out the door to get to class on time without looking in the mirror. However, I did stop to talk to a few of my roommates. I'm walking to class and my friend Alli says, "Dude. You have a gash on your forehead and blood running into your eyebrow." Awesome. THANKS, ROOMMATES. Injuries sustained: gash on forehead above right eyebrow.

2011: Glowsticking. I had been watching a lot of videos on Youtube that had people at raves glowsticking, and I thought it looked awesome. I started spinning my lanyard around, trying to imitate them and hit myself directly in the cheek. My keys split my cheek open, but my CNA roommate was kind enough to doctor it up for me. Injuries sustained: cut down the side of my cheek.

2012: Car Door. I walked out to my car late at night one evening and was on the phone with David while I was walking. My car was parked in a weird part of the driveway and had some branches hanging over it. I went to swing open the door to my car when a branch brushed the back of my head. I'm already terrified of the dark so I was a little jumpy. I moved my head quickly out of the way of the branch and directly into the trajectory of the car door. Injuries sustained: swollen left eyebrow, small cut.

I look forward to what the next several years bring.