First things first, I'm the realest

I think a lot of times, we justify our social media usage by telling ourselves that it helps us get to know someone and keep connected. But recently I've been thinking that social media doesn't tell us anything about a person. It tells us what they do. It broadcasts the best aspects of their life. But it doesn't tell us who they are. I am just as guilty as the next person. Often I feel inauthentic by what I post on social media; you're all allowed to see that I have a group of friends who bought me presents on my birthday, but not that birthdays make me cry. I broadcast the fact that I got hired at my dream job, but keep quiet about feeling inadequate about that job.

I just feel like, on my road to authenticity, it's time for me to make a step towards vulnerability and openness. With that in mind, here are some of the things that make me Katy:

I have frightening road rage.  I let myself be defined by what has happened to me as opposed to who I am. I have a doubtful, skeptical heart. I get legitimately angry when someone uses the word "legitly." My mind spins extremely negatively.  I am a TERRIBLE singer. I hold grudges and can still recite words that I've been hurt by. I am afraid of the dark. I am overly competitive.  I expect perfection from myself. I get annoyed with people when they don't reciprocate in a relationship. I am emotionally distant. I compare my abilities with others 100% of the time. I'm an addict. I am terrified of being in a relationship. I avoid conversations with people who I think are smarter than me out of intimidation. I still have zits as an adult and it infuriates me. I despise being vulnerable. I get jealous when people I love spend time with other people. I am nervous in front of my classes every single day.  My left eye twitches when someone compliments me and I don't believe them. I bite my nails to the point of bleeding. I am afraid of not living up to people's expectations. I spend too much time on tumblr. I am bad at learning the names of boys in my classes.  I am terrified of change. My front tooth is chipped.

BUT

I LOVE babies and kids. I take jokes too far. I gag and cry when I laugh really hard. I can make a very convincing elephant noise. I love storytelling and hearing other people's stories.  I am hyperbolic in almost everything I do. I am obsessed with several Broadway musicals. I love strawberries and spicy food, but not together. I read quotes when I'm sad and have a huge collection of favorites on my phone. I can type faster than anyone I've met. I take pictures so I can look back and be nostalgic. I am a good listener.  I think juxtaposed humor is the best humor and internal rhyme will instantly bring a giant grin to my face.  I can rap all of "Downtown." I take my students' problems home with me and pray for them all constantly. The color yellow makes me smile.  I write my thoughts in my books while I read. Fewer things bring me greater joy than brand new school supplies. I fold all my garbage into squares and lint roll my bedspread more often than is healthy.

And all of this is what makes me human, and I'm going to be okay with it.
This is my authentic self.